What We Believe

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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

" I hope 'ya know, we've had a hard time"

I have ohhh, so much catching up to do...it makes me dizzy thinking about it. I have got to figure out my computer+pictures+blogger. I will. I promise. But, right now I am too tired and I wanted to give a shout out to my fabulous sister Whitney. She has been so wonderful helping me update my blog backgrounds. I get so befuddled and confused and verrry nervous messing with my blog and she steps in like my princess in shining armour (sure! why not??). She helps me and *wa-lah* beautiful background. Thank you, Whitty. I'm a lucky girl to have a sis like you.
On another note... I wanted to relate my horrible, no-good, awful happenings this week. I guess just for venting purposes. On Monday Philip had accidentally left his flash-drive at home and called up and asked if I could bring it by that afternoon. I climbed into the car later that day and low and behold the van isn't working. Fabulous. (*history* we have had our fair share of car troubles this past half year and they seem to keep on comin') I call up Phillip and let him know the situation. He comes to my rescue and tries to jump-start the car. Not working so well...but finally gets it figured out. I was so grateful. I asked Phillip after all was said and done if he had grabbed his flash-drive off of the counter where I had left it. He said that he had and so we left to go drive the van around a bit to keep the battery charging. We ran an errand and then picked up the boys. After that, Phillip left and went back to work. He calls me later that afternoon and asks me if I have seen his flash-drive. As it turns out, Phillip can't find it. Normally, I would feel bad about the lost flash-drive, but not loose too much sleep over it. Not this time. Phillip has been working very diligently on his dissertation (esp. over the Christmas break, which is invaluable no-work and no-students or classes time), which also means I sacrificed not having him around over the holidays. He had saved all of his recent work on this flash drive that he had done since the middle of Dec. on this flash-drive and had yet to back it up. Needless to say, Phillip and I are quite sick over the missing item. *heavy sigh*
On another no-good, horrible incident... Today while I was on the phone with Whit (we were figuring out said blog background together) I realized my youngest was awfully quiet...stress on the awfully. I should've known better right then and there. But, I had put in Dora (her absolute fav) and tucked her into my bed (she luuuvs that) and put my mind at ease that she was comfortably watching her favorite show and maybe even could've dozed off (I can hear the chuckles and feel the eye rolls from here). I send Greyson in after a while to check on her and he yells at me that she has "finger-painted" all over the t.v. Now, I know that there isn't any finger paints to be had in her reach...but there is fingernail polish within her grasp. I dart in there and quickly get off the phone with my sister to find that she has painted our t.v., part of the stand it sits on, herself (part of her hair, too), her outfit, my bed, the carpet, the carpet, the carpet (you get the picture??). I have a dark beige carpet and the polish of choice was a fast drying pinky-tangerine. A bright color that I love on my toes in the summer. I've scrubbed, blotted, googled remedies, snipped at, cried over...but to no avail. As I type this, I figure we'll have to eventually replace the carpet. The splotches are in a highly visible traffic area (thankfully in the bedroom, though) so I don't think that we could patch the spots... We'll see what Phillip and I figure out, though. Boo to ugly, bright spots in our new carpet.
On a pretty personal note... another no-good, awful thing that I've dealt with this week is the fact that I'm not pregnant. This may come as a shocker that we're trying to add to our family, but we don't feel we're complete yet. We were lucky enough to get pregnant with Cooper and Greyson the month we wanted, but Ella was a different story. It took over a year for Ella to start her appearance. It was a hard, painful and very emotional thing for me. I can say this, though. I never wanted a baby as bad as I wanted her and every day I was grateful she was mine and in my arms. I would just sit and hold her reflecting on all the tears that I had cried waiting for her and in awe that she was finally here. I wasn't terribly excited to start the whole "trying to have a baby" process again after Ella, as it wasn't exactly a picnic. But, Phillip and I felt that it was okay to start trying again after we moved. We quickly got pregnant after just a month and we were ecstatic. But, after about seven or eight weeks, things started going wrong and I miscarried. It was (and is) a really tough thing. There are a lot of questions and not a lot of answers. But, Phillip and I do understand that Heavenly Father knows what he is doing and all trials are for our growth. We were told that we needed to wait three month before starting the whole process again and we were hopeful that we would get pregnant quickly. It's only been a month, but I already feel so behind. I hear of women that got pregnant around the same time as I had and know the genders of their unborn bundles of joy and it's rough. That being said, I would never wish this for anyone and am really happy that they are having their babies...I just wish I was too. I'm really alright and I know I'll have another baby...it just doesn't happen to be on my time table. So. I wait and understand that the Lord's timing isn't necessarily mine and figure that at some point (hopefully in the near future) that I will be planning on welcoming another baby into this world.
I hope I haven't been too much of a downer...but I just had to get the crummy happenings off of my chest. Last week Phillip gave a talk on how our trials become blessings, and I guess we're being able to figure it out first hand. He related a story one of the apostles talked about in a recent Conference talk about himself and one of his sons (who was three at the time) . The son had called his mom after he and his dad had been stuck in the Sierra Nevadas in a freak June blizzard and said "I hope 'ya know, we've had a hard time". That's kinda how we're feeling right now. That being said, we're trying not to wallow in it and are picking ourselves up by our boot straps and walking forward.
Thank you for your ear. I promise I'll be more upbeat next post. Here's to tomorrow and the beginning of another day.